Shorty

Dear Dale Brisby,

brisby riding bullsYou know I’m 60 and generally a peaceable sort, but this morning … having been spent with several self-absorbed, tedious sorts while deprived of vital hormones themselves being counted out for hours at the local Walgreen’s; I arrived there to be told by the pharmacist to wait another 30 minutes.

Errands to run, I rounded the building corner to find a young, charm school, spanky mini van driving soccer mom with both hands off the steering wheel, gesturing and mouthing ‘slow down’ repeatedly from her ride which was free wheeled rolling down the middle of the ample driving lane in the parking lot.

Twice. Maybe three times I see her as I’m driving out of a 90 degree corner and hugging the empty parking spots to avoid her loose van. Slow e-freaking-nuff for an empty parking lot as I passed her.

Well, maybe it was the irony. Maybe the hormone depravation or the scuffed up last nerve of the morning, but I reckoned I’d like the opportunity to express myself, as well, in asking if she truly saw me as a ‘clear and present danger’ … enough to justify both hands off of the wheel to play Jr. Traffic Cop.

So, I follow her. Well back, but she knows I’m there. She drives pretty sharpish to the police department, parks in a spot clearly marked ‘RESTRICTED’ as she calls 911.

I park. Legally with no restriction to her ability to leave and approach her shiny mini van. Aside from the clunk of six door locks slamming down, no acknowledgement.

It appears that this IS her world and hers only.

I wait patiently until 911 drops her and apologize that I failed to understand her urgent message to me at Walgreen’s. Come again, please?

No response. I shrug. Make sign asking ‘Deaf? Mute?’ No response past a smug smirk. I smile genuinely and say, “GREAT communication. Thanks. Have a nice day’ then return to errands and eventually, thankfully, prescription hormones.

It was only then that I realized that as I stood in front of her, my hair wild from my horse running his teeth through yesterday’s chignon … my shirt said ‘Riding Bulls and Punching Fools’.

I’m hoping the Civics Lesson in everybody’s right to self-expression takes. I hope she passes it along to her kids in between soccer games.
Lori O’Harver

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